Blue Eyes Blue
by Mira Spiegel
Summary: This is a song fic to the song by Eric Clapton, "Blue Eyes Blue" and it's Julia's thoughts on the two men she loved and lost.


Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or the characters or the Eric Clapton song "Blue Eyes Blue" and I'm making no money off this. Just having fun so don't sue…that'll wreck my fun. ( Enjoy!  
  
  
  
Blue Eyes Blue  
  
By Mira Spiegel  
  
  
  
Julia stood in the rain and let it wash away the emotions she was feeling at the moment. Hurt, betrayal, an overwhelming sense of unfairness…she deserved to feel each one. After what she had done, she deserved every bit of what she was getting. Isn't this what usually happened when you fall in love?  
  
I thought that you'd be loving,  
  
Spike. Vicious. Two opposites yet both were loved by her. Or so she had thought. She had been too adventurous when she decided to accept Vicious' proposal. She had seen in the unstable blue eyes and shaggy white hair a wild beast that was crying out to be tamed. She couldn't have been more wrong…  
  
I thought you were the one who would stay forever,  
  
Then there was Spike. She had heard of his volatile temper and frequent outburst which usually left a decent number of people in the emergency room but she had yet to see him that way. She closed her eyes and lifted her face towards the rain. She could still see him lying her single bed, bloody, bruised and gentle in speech. Her longing for adventure vanished and was replaced with a desperate need for tenderness. But that need was ill fated as well.  
  
But now, forever's come and gone,  
  
At first things worked out fine. She and Spike were able to hide their relationship from Vicious. But he caught on in time. He always caught on to deception. Julia believed he had a gift to seek out liars because he was such a good one. "I love you Julia." "You're mine forever." The words sounded good, but the look in the eye was so different. Not like the look in Spike's eyes. But then again, Spike and she were just as much liars as Vicious was. And where had all the lies and deception gotten them? Vicious intent on killing Spike, Julia sent to do the deed, and Spike…  
  
And I'm still here alone.  
  
She was suppose to have met him in the graveyard. She had the coat on, the gun in the pocket and stood by the window. She had watched him amble past her apartment earlier that day, heading towards their meeting spot. She had watched him go, knowing that was the last time she would ever see him. She only left to go to the graveyard after she was sure he had given up on her and disappeared. Vicious knew of their deception. And he knew that she didn't love him anymore. And Spike was now dead to everyone. She deserved the loneliness she was feeling.  
  
Cause you were only playing,  
  
You were only playing with my heart,  
  
What a game she had been playing. And now was the time to fold and lay the cards on the table. She had lost. She had lost Spike, her life, her happiness…. There was nothing left now except to throw herself at Vicious' mercy, if he had any, and hope for a quiet life or a swift death.  
  
I was never waiting,  
  
I was never waiting for the tears to start,  
  
Perhaps having Spike leave this way was better. Since he was willing to lie about their relationship, perhaps all the sweet words he had whispered to her were nothing but lies. Perhaps he was a better liar than Vicious. She wondered if he had learned how to match the look in his eyes with the words that he uttered. Tears pricked at her eyes. She had lied to Vicious, so what if Spike had lied to her. No. She swallowed her tears and cleared her eyes. Spike wasn't like Vicious. Spike was genuine. He had loved her. Or at least that was what she would hold on to.  
  
It was you.  
  
Who put the clouds around me,  
  
Happiness. The lack thereof was what had driven her out of her home and into the arms of a man known as Vicious. It was also the promise of genuine happiness that made her break away from Vicious and cling to Spike. And he had come through for her. Those precious stolen moments had brought more happiness to her than anything in her life.  
  
It was you.  
  
Who made the tears fall down.  
  
She didn't stop the tears now. She merely lifted her face and let the rain camouflage the tears that ran down her face. Vicious never deserved to be cried over. She didn't deserve to be cried over. But Spike…who never asked for anything for himself deserved the tears.  
  
It was you.  
  
Who broke my heart in pieces.  
  
She wondered if he knew he carried her heart away with him when he passed by the window? She may not have left with him physically, but her heart and soul had been freed when she heard of his "death." But she wondered what a shattered heart would do for him in his life.  
  
It was you, it was you  
  
Who made my blue eyes blue.  
  
She had convinced herself that she loved Vicious. She loved the dangerous edge that he had and the power that usually went with it. She had also convinced herself that he loved her. Then Spike showed up and showed her, at his weakest, what true love was about.  
  
Oh, I never should have trusted you.  
  
She shouldn't have trusted him. The world was filled with illusions and love was one of them. Wasn't it?  
  
I thought I'd be all you'd need.  
  
How could you bandage someone's wounds, spend hours in a chair watching over them and wish them better and not love them by the time they left your home? It was well nigh impossible. Every time she wrapped a bandage she felt as if a piece of her wounded heart had been healed by Spike's sparse words during that time. She found herself needing him and those words. And she foolishly let herself believe he needed her just as much.  
  
In your eyes I thought I'd saw my heaven.  
  
His eyes was what amazed her the most. Two different hues-one a true brown the other a reddish auburn. She allowed a small laugh to be released. She got a funny feeling just from picturing the two colors in her mind. Two colors…one emotion. He had cared. He had truly cared about her hurts and happiness. He had listened silently to her talk for hours on end.  
  
And now my heaven's gone away,  
  
And his touch. Julia wrapped her arms around her to fight off the inner cold that touched her heart. Despite the fact he was a Syndicate member, he had been so gentle in his touch. Vicious had been unable to dispel the violence from his touch, but Spike…she shuddered again.  
  
And I'm now in the cold.  
  
The rain had now soaked through her coat and had chilled her skin. She slipped her almost numb hands into the pocket of her coat. Her fingers brushed the ice cold metal of the gun. "Keep dreaming Julia," Vicious' voice mocked her.  
  
Cause you had me believing,  
  
You had me believing in a lie,  
  
"What's wrong Julia?"  
  
"It's just…sometimes…you frighten me."  
  
"I would never do anything to hurt you Julia."  
  
Julia frowned at the memory of that conversation with Vicious. Words. Hollow, empty, vain words. Words she had taken heart and believed. She should have realized he was just feeding her lines.  
  
Guess I couldn't see it,  
  
Guess I couldn't see it till I saw the light,  
  
Spike had been the one that had revealed Vicious' two toned promises. Spike had promised her genuine promises of safety and love. And then, then she had seen difference between the two men.  
  
It was you.  
  
Who put the clouds around me.  
  
Her mother had once describe falling in love as being on Cloud Nine. Neither one had made sense till Spike had taken her there. And there was no way to describe that exhilarating feeling.  
  
It was you.  
  
Who made the tears fall down.  
  
Vicious had left her in tears on more occasions then she cared to count. She had cried once because of Spike…and that was when he had left. When he left her apartment and now, when he left for good. Taking a deep breath, she wiped her eyes dry and vowed never to let Vicious, or any man, make her cry again. She was stronger than that now. Spike had helped her become that strong.  
  
It was you.  
  
Who broke my heart in pieces.  
  
She reminded herself that it wasn't Spike who had broken her heart. No, he had given her a new one and she would not let Vicious destroy this one.  
  
It was you, it was you  
  
Who made my blue eyes blue.  
  
Spike. Vicious. Two men who were once friends were driven from each other now because of her. One man she believed she had loved till she had met the other and learned what true love was really about. And now, now she would never be same again.  
  
Oh, I never should have trusted you.  
  
Julia let out a bitter laugh at the gray gravestones as Vicious' voice came back and taunted her again. "Keep dreaming Julia."  
  
"I will Vicious. As long as I keep waiting for him, I'll keep dreaming." 


End file.
